10 ways to make it through holidays with style and grace

By Aime Dunstan, Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
Sunday, November 27, 2005

Thinking about sending out Christmas cards or buying your boss a holiday gift? Better check your etiquette twice, says local expert Jacqueline Whitmore.

Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, once served as protocol officer and publicist for The Breakers in Palm Beach, where she advised hotel personnel on dealing with media, royalty and other VIPs.

She also is the cell phone etiquette spokeswoman for Sprint, holiday gift-giving etiquette expert for Office Depot and author of Business Class: Etiquette Essentials for Success at Work ($19.95 at Barnes & Noble).

At 3 p.m. Wednesday in the Gioconda and Joseph King Library at the Society of the Four Arts in Palm Beach, Whitmore will present a holiday etiquette program, "Jingle Jingle, How's Your Mingle?"

So we asked for a cheat sheet. Here are Whitmore's Top 10 tips on getting through the holiday season with grace and style.

1. Don't be a wallflower. If you're attending a party, mingle.
   "As a guest, you're not there really to eat. You're there to socialize," says Whitmore. "The host or hostess invites you because they're thanking you for your friendship, they're reciprocating for an invitation, or you're there because they want you to meet people."
    

2. No diet books, please. Beware of giving gifts that could be deemed inappropriate. Whitmore says she has seen a trend toward giving more personal gifts, such as a gift certificate for plastic surgery, anger management classes or marriage counseling.
   
   An item like these "is a very sensitive gift and a very personal one, and it should only be given to someone you know well — and only if they ask for it."
    

3. Get creative with host/hostess gifts. "Very popular among the wealthy set is (hiring) a housekeeper for the weekend (or the week), a private chef for the weekend... or a hot-air balloon ride for the couple that has everything," says etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore. "We're seeing a lot more of these one-of-a-kind gifts that people don't always buy for themselves. And, of course, you should be mindful, if you're going to buy a hot-air balloon ride, the person shouldn't be afraid of flying or heights."
    

4. Be a considerate gift-giver. When you bring a bottle of wine as a hostess gift, don't expect the recipient to open the bottle. "That is their gift to enjoy any time they want," Whitmore says. Also, if you plan to bring flowers as a hostess gift, make sure they're in a vase, "or better yet, send the flowers the day of." If you walk in with fresh flowers wrapped in plastic, your host will have to find a vase, arrange them, etc., which takes her away from her guests.
    

5. Nothing for the boss. Co-worker gifts are not mandatory. "If you do offer to participate in a gift exchange program, follow through," Whitmore says, adding that gifts should cost between $5 and $25. "Don't give a gift that's too extravagant because it could be perceived as brown-nosing." For the same reason, she says, you generally should not buy your boss a holiday gift. Instead, give a gift with a group of coworkers for the boss' whole family, for their pets or children.
    

6. Careful with cards. If you send out greeting cards, be sure they're not religion-specific. "We can't assume that everyone celebrates a particular holiday. Sending out Christmas cards to everyone is not safe. Send out holiday cards." And don't send generic pre-printed cards. "Put a personal note inside, just a line or two, even for clients or coworkers."
    

7. Thank you is enough. If you receive a gift you weren't expecting, you do not have to reciprocate with a gift. "But you do have to reciprocate with a thank-you note, and preferably hand-written, not e-mail."
    

8. Thank you is mandatory. Thank-you notes for gift-givers or hostesses should be sent as soon as possible, preferably within 24 to 48 hours. "However, things happen.... It's better to send them late than never. Even if two months have passed, send a thank-you note anyway."
    

9. Be a considerate attendee. Don't ever go to a party and not thank the host or hostess who invited you, and be on time. "I define fashionably late as about 15 minutes, no more than 30 minutes. If you're (going to) a sit-down dinner, there is absolutely no excuse for being late." If the invitation reads, "Cocktails, 5-7 p.m.," Whitmore says, you can show up anytime between 5 and 7 p.m. But if it's for dinner, and the invitation is for cocktails at 5 p.m. and dinner at 8 p.m., definitely be there by 8 p.m. to sit down

10. If you're a host or hostess, mingle. "Keep your glass in your left hand so your right hand is free for hand-shaking," Whitmore says. "Don't spend too much time with one person; keep moving, so no one monopolizes your time."
     

11. If you're a couple, try sitting at two different tables to cover more territory. And when you want to finish up, head toward the door. Guests will generally follow and say their goodbyes.

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