Fortune
Ask Annie – How to Succeed in Business: Listen!
By Anne Fisher
September 20, 2005
Dear Annie: I'm starting my first job out of
college, and it is in sales. A friend sent me your column on what
makes a great salesperson ("Great Salespeople Aren't Born—They Work
At It"), and I notice that a big part of succeeding in sales these
days is being a good listener. I am very outgoing and love to talk,
and my friends have told me that there are times when it seems I'm
not really hearing what other people are trying to say. I don't want
this to become a problem with clients. Can you suggest ways to
improve my listening skills? — Chatterbox
Dear Chatterbox: There's an old saying, attributed
to Calvin Coolidge: "Nobody ever listened his way out of a job."
You're smart to focus on listening as a vital skill—not just in
sales, but in any field. Jacqueline Whitmore, who runs a coaching
firm called the Protocol School of Palm Beach (
www.etiquetteexpert.com ), has
written a new book called Business Class: Etiquette Essentials for
Success at Work (St. Martin's Press, $19.95). In it, she suggests 10
steps to better listening. See if these help:
Ask pertinent questions. "When you want to understand what someone
is trying to say, ask clarifying questions like, 'If I hear you
correctly, you are saying (fill in the blank)...Is that right?' "
says Whitmore. Don't hesitate to ask for specific details and
examples if the person's point is still not clear. Says Whitmore,
"Questions are the hallmark of a good listener."
Practice empathic listening. Quoting Stephen Covey's observation
that "most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they
listen with the intent to reply," Whitmore adds: "The highest form
of listening is when you strive to understand how the speaker feels.
You don't have to agree or even sympathize, but you can better
identify with what's being said if you use your emotions as well as
your intellect."
Listen with more than just your ears. "Nodding occasionally, making
eye contact, taking notes, and being fully engaged all demonstrate
genuine concern for the person you're speaking with," notes
Whitmore. "Watch his or her facial expressions, eye contact, and
hand gestures" to pick up on unspoken messages.
Share personal stories. Telling a short anecdote about something
from your own life that's relevant to the discussion helps to break
the ice, and makes you seem "more approachable and down-to-earth,"
Whitmore says. "Perhaps that's why our society is so fascinated by
reality television shows that feature celebrities. We want to know
that they're real people too."
Paint a visual picture. Creating a visual image of what the other
person is saying, Whitmore says, "will help you follow what's being
said and remember it later on."
Don't interrupt. Whitmore notes that many bright, talented
businesspeople interrupt or finish other people's sentences without
realizing it. Unless the building is on fire or some other urgent
need arises, let people finish what they're saying before you pipe
up.
Pause before you reply. "Silence, the white space of communication,
has a commanding impact. It makes people wonder what you're going to
say next," notes Whitmore. So don't be afraid to leave some "white
spaces" in the conversation. As my dad always told me, "Nobody ever
learns anything while they're talking." And of course, a couple of
beats of quiet also give you time to consider carefully what you're
going to say before you come out with it, which is never a bad
thing.
Eliminate distractions. Don't try to discuss an important subject
while either you or the other person is distracted by other tasks.
Suggest setting another time to talk, when both of you can
concentrate on the topic at hand.
Speak with a purpose. "Have you noticed that some of the world's
most brilliant people speak only when they have something important
or profound to say?" asks Whitmore. "When these people talk, we all
listen. It's often what we don't say that makes a greater impression
on others than what we do say."
Don't give unsolicited advice. "Some people may appreciate your
words of wisdom, but others will get defensive and think you're
trying to change them," says Whitmore. "One day a colleague told me
about some of her career frustrations and, after hearing just a few
sentences, I started giving her my advice. Later, I learned that she
was upset with me because I had missed the fact that she really just
wanted me to be a sounding board." Whitmore's wise conclusion?
"Sometimes it's better to give advice only when you're being paid
for it." Or at least, only when someone has specifically asked for
your opinion. I'd bet most of us, at one time or another, have been
on the receiving end of well-meaning advice that we then proceeded
to ignore—thus ticking off the person who gave it to us, which is
even more irritating if the advice was unsolicited in the first
place. Who needs that?
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